Abby's new plan for Mommy

WARNING!  This post discusses the taboo topic of breastfeeding and how it pertains to me and my child.  Some may deem this TMI, but to me this is an everyday topic and I'm just putting my thoughts down. 

Now, I had been wondering when and how I was going to wean Abby from breastfeeding.  Which feeding was I going to drop?  How would Abby adjust?  How quickly would I drop another feeding?  Would I continue to pump?  How would I phase that out?  So many questions that kept whirling over my head that I didn't know how or even want to deal with. 

Little did I know that Abby had a different plan for me.

On Monday night (September 4), Abby refused to breastfeed before bed.  I didn't think much of it since I know my milk supply is low in the evenings. We ended up giving her a bottle of warmed breastmilk.  On Tuesday morning (September 5), Abby breastfed as usual as part of our morning routine.  On Tuesday evening she rejected me again by arching her back and crying.  Again, I wasn't too alarmed as I know my milk supply is lower in the evenings. It did make me sad that she rejected me two days in a row.  She had never rejected me before and certainly not two days in a row.  Was this the beginning of the end?  When Wednesday morning came and she reacted the same way, I knew Abby was done. I had breastfed her for the last time. 

Brent peeked his head into Abby's room while this was going on as Abby was fussing.  I turned to him and burst into tears.  I was not prepared for Abby to cut ME off.  I had planned that I would cut HER off.  I was not prepared for it to happen so suddenly.  Abby broke my heart as she pushed away from her primary source of nutrition for the past near 11 months of her life.  The logical side of me knows that this is a healthy sign of Abby getting older and growing up, but the emotional side of me wants to keep her a baby and latch her onto my boob. 

That day, Abby helped me decide when and how I was going to wean.  I didn't have to ponder any longer about what feeding I was going to drop.  I didn't need to stew about how Abby was going to react.  I still needed to wean pumping however, so it took me a few weeks to completely wean.  

Now that I look back on it, I don't know how I managed to breastfeed and pump for as long as I did.  I'm amazed at my dedication.  It's no small feat to take on such a task.  It's not just the time needed to breastfeed, it's the time needed to pump when you're not with your child, it's the time needed to clean the pump parts after each session.  It's the time needed to wash bottles and make bottles.  It's the time needed to prepare the milk to be frozen.  It's the orgainzation in your fridge as you line up the millk in bottles according to date.  It's the organization in your deep freezer to manage all the frozen milk.  It's the organization to pack everything you need for a 12+ hour day away from your child.  It's the time management to be able to know when you'll need to pump and allot time to do so in your busy work day.  It's also the hydration and nutrition you need to continue to consume to allow your body to sustain breastfeeding.  I am proud of myself.  I'm also proud that I was able to provide Abby with a great nutritional foundation. 

I am proud to say that I have packed up my pump and packed it away...until the next baby comes into our lives. (No, this is not an announcement).